Parenthood as a Profession

Family members, life-long friends and people who hold a place of authority in your life are all too capable of throwing you under the bus, walking away instead standing up and leaving you holding the bag with resentment that will last for the rest of your life.

Let's start with Parents. Parenthood is greatest Unprofessional Profession on the planet. No entry exam, continuing education or application required. Simply profess a desire to scratch an itch within the bounds of marriage or not, and every applicant is instantly granted the status of parent.

It goes straight downhill from there. Ironically all children eventually turn into clones of their parents to some degree, so this thread of screwing up generation after generation comes honestly. Just ask the children. They will promptly tell you who is the favored, who is the loser and who is the one who did everything just right and still gets lost in the shuffle with nothing to show for their success as far as the parents are concerned.

Think I'm kidding? Listen to the outcome of inheritance stories. The youngest gets the most because they never were quite able to make it on their own. Not surprising since the parents never allowed the kid to suffer the consequences of their poor choices and lack of ambition. So the parents bale them out once more by leaving them more to make up for being such lousy parents. The youngest kid is the one who leaches off everyone. The baby of the family gets away with murder while being patted on the head. This brat is the one who never grows up.

The oldest kid gets some, but actually a pittance compared to the responsibility shouldered for the parents in their declining years. The older kids usually live closer and hang in there with all the chores and medical stuff. The other kids (except for the baby), live far away, barely phone in their support and nothing more. The oldest kid is the one on whom the parents pinned all their hopes and plans. These are the kids who are saddled with most responsiblity and expectations.

The middle kid usually loses out completely. The middle kid is the one who made it on their own and parents continue the life-long practice of ignoring this one. Ironically, the middle child usually fairs better in life simply by virtue of the lack parental interference during the formative years. Left alone, these kids usually do a fine job of finding themselves, all by themselves.

Even if the parents do a passable job of making everything fair in the end, the kids will apply past resentments and excuses to explain why one of the others seemed to end up with more or why they didn't.

Does it seem I'm being to hard on Parents? Sure I am. Parents are only human after all and that's the problem. So here is some advice on curing the Parent Trap. Parents need to make a serious attitude adjustment as soon as each kid turns 25. So on each child's 25th birthday, hand them the following declaration of independence:

"We did the best we could and now you are on your own. We are no longer responsible for your laundry, shortfalls on car payments, rent, groceries, loans or relationships. Go where you want; do what you want and send us a postcard. We love you enough to make sure you have every opportunity to prove us wrong and expect that you will do so with style and success. Good Luck!"

Don't be afraid that the kids won't be around to take care of you in your old age. You won't need them if you stick to the plan. All the money you worked so hard to make and save will be there to take care of you if you don't continue to dole it out to kids along the way. Treat all the kids fairly and equally. Don't leave more to one because they didn't achieve as much as the others. Don't leave more to another because they worked harder.

Good luck and enjoy your life.